This thing with relationships, damn tricky business, especially in the beginning (or so my dear freinds in long relationships keep telling me). I spoke to *F* this morning, who has been in a relationship for a year and a half and now living with her boyfriend. I called her as I needed to air out my insecurities and how the relationship minefield makes me want to be single again, not because I don't want him, but because I want my independant self back who doesn't risk getting hurt... *F* said something I keep thinking about, she said 'honestly I feel more secure and confident when I'm single', and I couldn't agree more. Not that my boyfriend isn't lovely, appreciative and compliments me, but when he doesn't or (as a male) says something that doesn't really come out the way its supposed to I feel like a tiny tiny person and obsess about it when really I don't have to. Now all I keep thinking about is, should I bring this up again although we sort of talked about it yesterday and become the girl who can't let things go or should I forget about it and then let it out in a few weeks when I'm pissed about something else and still be the girl who can't let things go? Argh I freking hate myself at the moment...
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Am back in London and spent the first 4 days back at my dear boyfriends house as he had the flu. I have been running in between the kettle, his bed and the living room where I had all my books and laptop setup. I managed to more or less finish a huge essay, watch four Bond movies and make up for the time I was away in Sweden... Stockholm was nice, and very relaxing, spent most of my time in front of the TV and working on my essay... Only went out on New Years which turned out to be very very nice. The next couple of months look like they are going to be very busy as I am in the final stages of finishing off my degree... will try to update the blog as often as I can though!
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For the first time since I moved here I'm actually not counting the hours until I get on the aeroplane (tonight). This is not saying that I'm not really excited about going home and seeing my lovely amazing friends and family. Its just (and not only because of the boy) I've started to make London a bit of a home for myself. I've realised that Stockholm and Sweden will always be there and I will always be able to return, but along with my New Years resolution to start living in the moment I am very much considering staying here for a while... that is if anyone will hire me! Saying goodbye to the boy this morning was a lot harder then I had anticipated... we went for a lovely dinner at e&o and then went home and opened our presents (and his were lovely). Am not feeling too well, have a really bad head ache which sucks as I'm flying tonight but I'm sure I'll get through it!
