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]]>'What is a personal calling? It is God's blessing, it is the path that God chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don't all have the courage to confront our dream. Why?
There are four obstacles. First, we are told from childhood onwards that everything we want is impossible. We grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so too do the layers of prejudice, fear and guilt. There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible. But it's still there.
If we have the courage to disinter our dream, we are then faced by the second obstacle: love. We know what we want to do, but are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything by order to pursue our dream. We do not realize that love is just a further impetus, not something that will prevent us going forward, and that those who genuinley wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.
Once we have accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle: fear of the defeats we will meet on the path. We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn't work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse, "Oh, well, I didn't really want it anyway." We do want it and know that we staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey. Then we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favour, even though we may not understand how.
I ask myself: are defeats necessary? Well, necessary or not, they happen. When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and get up eight times.
So why is it so important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people? Because once we have overcome the defeats - and we always do - we are filled with a greater sense of euphoria and confidence. In the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselevs worthy of the miracle of life. Each day, each hour, is part of the good fight. We start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure. Intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparantly bearable; the latter goes on for years and, without our noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives.
Having disinterred our dream, having used the power of love to nurture it and spent many years living with the scars, we suddenly notice that what we always wanted is there, waiting for us, perhaps the very next day. Then comes the fourth obstacle: the fear of realizing the dream fo which we have been fighting all our lives.
Oscar Wilde said that "each man kills the thing he loves." And it's true. The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. We forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the suffering we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far. I have known a lot of people who, when their personal calling was within their grasp, wnet on to commit a series of stupid mistakes and reached their goal when it was only a step away.
This is the most dangerous of the obstacles because it has a kind of saintly aura about it: renouncing joy and conquest. But if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become and instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here.'
Mellow
Despite argument on friday acting like the needy relationship person I have failed to relate to during my past single years, Mr Balls still finds me very mellow and understanding. Like I told him I beleive that what is in the past should stay in the past and is no reason to get upset with. Its naive to believe that any person over the age of 18 doesn't come with baggage.
Comfort
Drunken celebrations on friday got out of hand and I tripped, fell and hit my head on the floor. Suspecting a minor cuncusion as head still hurts but will see doctor tomorrow. Also Mr Balls tucked me in last night and gave me the longest hug saying that I just fit.
picture from expressen.se
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