Confessions of a Swedish girl

I think that growing up with two brothers and a father has made the kind of girl who constantly has to prove herself around guys both intellectually and physically. I know attempting physically is ridiculous but that's how I am. The last couple of weeks I have taken up bike riding in Richmond Park with my boy and *N* and her boy. Usually *N* and I cycle and gossip in our own pace the boys wait for us every now and then. But now I have this idea in my head that I want to beat the boys around the park... bad almost impossible idea I know, but I'm not giving up yet. So for the past week I have been going to the gym training in secret to build up my stamina... only problem is that my backside is so sore from the bikes that I don't know how I'll get around the park this weekend... have been considering gel shorts but they seem expensive... So am I gonna stop? Am I gonna give up? I don't think so!

I think that growing up with two brothers and a father has made the kind of girl who constantly has to prove herself around guys both intellectually and physically. I know attempting physically is ridiculous but that's how I am. The last couple of weeks I have taken up bike riding in Richmond Park with my boy and *N* and her boy. Usually *N* and I cycle and gossip in our own pace the boys wait for us every now and then. But now I have this idea in my head that I want to beat the boys around the park... bad almost impossible idea I know, but I'm not giving up yet. So for the past week I have been going to the gym training in secret to build up my stamina... only problem is that my backside is so sore from the bikes that I don't know how I'll get around the park this weekend... have been considering gel shorts but they seem expensive... So am I gonna stop? Am I gonna give up? I don't think so!

We all have them, and I know that even the skinniest and fittest women have them too, it's just in our DNA or something. Anyways after having too many fatdays in a row I have decided to do something about it. So today I went to the gym and to make sure that I'll keep going I am going to stick a picture of Madonna on my wall. Also the stress coming up in college should help me get into those skinny jeans again! Beach 2007 ready or not here I come!

Its been a while due to many different reasons, but mostly because I am curently in a very stable place and don't have the same need I used to have to write things off... I am for the first time in a very long while entirely happy. I still have all the same everyday problems I used to, still lots of work, London is still stressful and I still get annoyed with things and people. But I feel so peaceful, stable and relaxed, and its a very odd feeling, can't remember ever being in this place in my life before. Much of it is because of the wonderful person by my side, the kindest and most genuine person I have ever met. I don't think that happiness is dependant on somebody else giving it to you, its just easier to appreciate it when somebody is there experiencing it with you. Yes I'm cliché my appologies...

I have a problem with January. Not only does it always feel like the longest month of the year, it is also the month that year after year lures me into a depressed state. As a single person you always think that being in a relationship will solve (not all problems) but these kind of patterns. I somehow thought that having a wonderful boy by my side would make this years January more bearable. Added on my depression is guilt, guilt for not being sweet and funny, instead I'm settling for mooody, whiny and emotional. Thank god he is the sweetest thing and somehow puts up with me... Have decided to do something about this, and have booked myself into a tanning bed session this weekend, hoping that the light will cheer me up.